Always
by SnowLion no Miko
Summary: Sometimes you can't always get what you want. Hiei reflects on the one person who changed his life, and how they could never be, while watching him from afar. Onesided YusukexHiei, YusukexKeiko, oneshot


_**Disclaimer: **I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho._

_**Summary: Sometimes you can't always get what you want. Hiei reflects on the one person who changed his life, and how they could never be, while watching him from afar. One-sided YusukexHiei, YusukexKeiko, oneshot**_

_Ah, another angsty one-shot from me. I just feel like writing a good piece of angst right now, for some odd reason. I know I shouldn't be writing this, but I really can't help myself. My current YYH pairing is YusukexHiei, anyway, so here's my contribution to the fandom. I haven't really been writing YYH fics that much lately, unless you count "Baby of Mine", which I don't know if I should continue or not...I guess I had just lost interest in YYH for a while, but my interest has somewhat returned. So, I hope all of you will read this and review. I would really appreciate it if you did._

_Enough of my babbling...the angsting commences..._

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**Always**

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It was a sunny, summery feeling kind of day. The kind of day Hiei despised, for the birds wouldn't cease there incessant chirping and flitting about. It was the kind of day when the lovers would come out and just sit on the benches, hand in hand, smiling lovingly into each other's eyes, saying sweet nothings into each other's ear, which made Hiei cringe. It was the kind of day when all the parents brought out their children for ice cream and to just get a little fresh air, simply because their children needed to let out all of their pent-up energy from being cooped up in the house all day. 

Maybe that was why Hiei was in the park on the very kind of day he dreaded.

Perched in a tree, hidden safely among the leaves and branches, Hiei looked down at the parents and their offspring, happily laughing, running about. One child hit his sister on the head, causing her to cry and shout out. The boy put on an innocent face and swept his hands behind his back. The mother looked at her son and scolded him. The child began to deny ever hitting his sister.

It was strange, Hiei thought, that a girl would simply cry after being hit by her brother. Humans were different creatures, though. He knew that he would never show such weakness if ever getting hit while he was a child. He couldn't allow it, or he would be killed.

Maybe Hiei wouldn't have minded being killed...then he wouldn't have to live his life, constantly being called the Forbidden Child. He wouldn't have to live a life while lying to his sister. He hated to see the disappointment in her eyes when she talked about finding her brother...how he wished he could just come out and tell her the truth. But he knew that Yukina didn't want to know how many horrible sins her brother had committed. He didn't want to stain her soul with the terror he had inflicted on so many people. He knew that telling her meant that his past would come to light. His past, filled with blood, gore, and the desperate need for survival...

And, something else he had considered, if he had died, he wouldn't have met Yusuke Urameshi.

Ever since he had met the brash, head strong teen, Hiei had felt something strange. He, at first, felt hatred toward the man because he defeated him in battle, and he had longed with a passion to repay the favor.

But, soon, he had found himself working side-by-side with the Detective, along with Kurama, his long time partner, and a human named Kuwabara, who Hiei thoroughly hated. Hiei had never _wanted _to work with two idiotic humans...and he especially didn't want to work for _Koenma_ at all. He was forced, sadly, to help these morons do battle with various enemies and youkai who were threatening to destroy the world and all that shit.

Yusuke, Hiei guessed, was liked by a fair amount of people. Himself being one. And it didn't come so easily. The first instinct Hiei had of Yusuke was hatred, he guessed it was because he was a human, and human's were weak. Hiei hated the weak, and so he hated Yusuke off the bat before getting to know him.

But when Yusuke defeated him, Hiei gained respect for the dark haired man, without even wanting to.

The Jaganshi was also shocked that, in the Dark Tournament, Yusuke actually defeated Toguro. He had thought that the brash Detective didn't have a chance in hell of beating Toguro, but he did. And Hiei's respect for Yusuke only grew.

After beating Toguro, Hiei wandered aimlessly around the city, waiting for his punishment to be revoked. After all, he did steal some of the Spirit World's most valuable items. He didn't know what was going to happen to him, but then he was told about a new enemy. A _human _enemy. A former Spirit Detective. Shinobu Sensui.

He had, at first, not wanted to be a part in this mission. He didn't give a damn, to say the least. But, somehow or another, he had gotten dragged into it when that idiot got himself kidnaped and Yusuke ran after him, desperately trying to save him.

That was another thing that made Yusuke so intriguing...his will to help his friends.

Hiei sensed his energy, and smelled his blood from far off, so he knew that Yusuke was in some kind of trouble. When he started hearing explosions, he was racing to find the Detective before he got himself killed.

He found the dark haired man, and saved him from a large truck that had exploded, leaving fire and smoke to engulf the woods where he was fighting.

The half-Koorime found out who was chasing the poor man and when he tried to kill him as well, he showed him that he was not one to be messed with. He didn't kill him though, for some odd reason, he only hit him hard enough to knock him out.

Yusuke had finally came to after he had dealt with Sniper, or so he was called by Sensui. He wasn't too happy to say the least. Yusuke ended up actually sparring with the half-Koorime to relieve his anger. It wasn't a fight to the death, but it was pretty intense and exciting. To Hiei at least. Finally he got a rematch with the Detective, although it wasn't a serious one.

After that, Hiei joined back up with the group to try and save Kuwabara from Sensui.

Apparently, they needn't have worried about Kuwabara.

They should have been worried about Yusuke.

As a gust of wind blew through Hiei's dark locks, he recalled the feeling of utter helplessness that washed over him as he watched the brash young man race headfirst to his death. He recalled Kuwabara's sobs, quite far from being honorable, as he frantically slashed at the walls of their temporary prison inside of Itsuki's "creation".

It was horrible. The helpless feeling didn't even leave him for the rest of the mission.

As he watched Yusuke's motionless form hit the ground, he felt a odd sensation of emotions that plagued his every thought.

Shock.

Sorrow.

Hatred.

Inferiority.

He remembered when they burst free from Itsuki's trap and followed that bastard into Demon World. He didn't want to let this sadistic creature live for what he did to the Detective. Hiei despised Shinobu Sensui with every fiber in his body as the three attacked him with everything they had. His emotions were running high as he summoned the Dragon for the second time, something he never done before, and charged at Sensui, rage filling his very being. Nothing had ever made him this mad...this vengeful. At the time, he wanted to be the one who killed Sensui...no, not kill, _destroy_. He wanted to feel the human's blood on his hands, knowing that he had been the one who had caused his demise.

But he wasn't.

Hiei remembered laying face first in the dirt, grinding his fingers into the substance with irritation. He knew he was spent. He knew his energy was weakening. He knew it would only be a matter of time before Sensui decided to do the inevitable and finish them all off.

And, just when all hope was lost, he heard something crowing.

Raising his head up slightly to see, he had glanced upon a large, blue phoenix type of a bird. And who was riding on it? He squinted and saw two figures. Yusuke Urameshi and Koenma. Soon, he heard Yusuke's familiar chuckle as he smiled over at Sensui, almost eager for battle.

That was when Hiei had felt a sudden feeling of relief go over him. Yusuke was alive. Then, he was filled with wonder. How was he alive when he saw him slain before his very eyes?

He just assumed that nothing could ever kill the great Yusuke Urameshi, and laughed at himself, remembering his own awe.

Hiei was snapped out of his reverie by a very cool breeze that shook him almost from the branch he stood on. He clenched his nails into the bark and held on, saving himself at the last minute from being embarrassed by falling out of the tree's branches.

Besides nearly falling out of the tree, Hiei was shaken back to reality by someone calling out.

"Shino!"

Crimson orbs glanced down at the woman who had walked up to her daughter, smiling. "Shino, you really need to be careful about where you are going!"

The girl, Shino, had ran into a man's leg, apparently not paying attention to where she was going. She looked to be at least three years of age, and wore a pair of dirt-stained blue jeans and a yellow t-shirt. Small, white sneakers adorned her tiny feet. Her jet-black hair was cut short, barely reaching her shoulders. Spiky bangs graced her forehead, gently being blown by a slight breeze. Her large, distinctive almond eyes were widened with curiosity. "Sorry, Mama." She apologized, giving an awkward smile in her mother's direction.

Hiei gave a bitter smirk, remembering who this woman was. Keiko Yukimura...or should he say Keiko _Urameshi_? The woman stood with her daughter, desperately tapping her foot, waiting for someone. A familiar laugh was heard, and a tall man, wearing a simple white shirt and a pair of light blue jeans walked up, carrying two ice cream cones. Handing one to the little girl and one to the woman, he laughed and pointed to a chocolate stain on his shirt, "I dropped mine." His jet-black hair blew in the wind, almond eyes were smiling, just like his daughter's.

"Daddy's so clumsy!" The little girl laughed, licking her ice cream cone.

He smiled an put a hand behind his back, laughing more, "Yeah, Shino, you're right!" He scooped the ebony haired girl into his arms, "So you'd better hope I'm not a klutz and drop you!"

"Ah! Put me down!"

"Yusuke..." A familiar growl.

"Aw, fine, Keiko..." Yusuke placed his daughter down and walked over to his wife, giving her a firm squeeze before patting her stomach gently, "Maybe our little boy will like to play more..."

"I like to play!" Shino pouted, crossing her arms.

Hiei watched the happy scene, contemplating his feelings. He had respect for the Detective. Hell, he'd even _loved_ him. And he still did.

But the Forbidden Child cannot be loved.

His gaze shifted and he looked at Yusuke. He looked so happy, so carefree. Hiei didn't dare interfere with his own feelings. _I'll just have to keep them to myself..._ He thought, bitterly. A somber smile made its way across his lips. His eyes softened for an instant, then resumed their normal, cold stare as yet another breeze blew past and ruffled his cape and hair.

He heard Yusuke laughing at something his daughter did. She laughed and said, "I didn't mean it, honest!"

Hiei glanced over and saw a lump of ice cream on Yusuke's sneaker. Shino was busy trying to clean it off, using the bottom of her shirt as a rag, Keiko scolded her for using her shirt to wipe off some ice cream, and saying something about ice cream stains.

Yusuke glanced up into the tree. The very same tree that housed the hiyoukai. As if looking through the leaves, through the branches, and into Hiei's very soul, Yusuke looked the half-Koorime in the eyes, giving him a slight smirk, as if knowing he were there the whole time, and knowing his thoughts. The gaze seemed to last forever, Yusuke looking deep into Hiei's orbs and vice versa. Chocolate meeting scarlet. The glance was finally broken when, out of nowhere, tiny rain droplets began to pour from the sky, sending the happy family to shelter under a covered area.

_He might not return my feelings..._ Hiei thought somberly, not caring as he was dampened by the pelting rain that seemed to gain strength. His hair clung to the nape of his neck and his cape was wet and dripping. Water dribbled from his chin and pattered onto his chest and rolled downward, where it met the ground, splashing into a puddle. _...but I can always look out for him._

_Always._

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_End. Whew, I felt like I really needed to write that for some reason! I'm sorry if it was confusing to anyone, which I don't know why, but while I was writing this I got confused, actually! Hm, how strange!_

_So, please review with comments and constructive criticism! Flames are not welcome! They will be shot at with a water gun!_

_Heh heh... R & R!_


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